which side are you on ?

time flies by day after day,

but that night is still clear in my mind.

there isn't a night that i can sleep

without it playing over and over in my head.

there isn't a night that i can dream

without this pierced into my heart.

there isn't a morning that i can rise

without it all sinking into me.

was it something i did?

was it something i said?

i know how it feels like,

like i'm a million miles away,

even though i'm right here.

but i just want to say,

that i was never a million miles away,

you just had to open your door.

now i don't know where we're going,

i don't know who's shutting who out.

though it feels like both doors are closed,

i wished i can open mine.

i just want to protect

this taped-up paper heart of mine.

it's cold,

it's empty,

it's lonely without you here.

i just don't want to spend

one more night missing you.

i'm honestly sorry,

that i made you irritated at me,

that i made you unhappy with me,

that i made you feel miserable,

just by being with me.

i'm honestly sorry,

that i made you say those hurtful words,

that i made you close your door.

hey,

i don't blame you for being mad,

i don't blame you for making me sad.

i don't know what will happen

if i say this,

but i just want you to know,

that how we started didn't matter,

it was the moments we shared

after the start,

that mattered the most to me.

i just wish that i could believe,

that there's a day you'd open your door

and let me in once more.

but for now,

i guess i just need more tape,

for my paper heart.

how i wish

that the two words below

will come true.

NUTS OR CRACKERS?:)